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So I looked at the bicycle glossary, and I’ll admit I had different definitions:

• Attack: General Patton’s favorite word.
• Baby head: On top of baby neck.
• Block: What my kids like to stack.
• Bottom bracket: Where Ivy League football teams are placed in the national rankings.
• Bridge: Card game.
• Bunny-hop: Not quite as much fun as the Hokey Pokey.
• Carbon fiber: What you use to make sure carbon fat doesn’t build up.
• Carve: See Thanksgiving turkey.
• Cassette: Successor to the 8-Track and predecessor to the CD.
• Chainrings: What Frodo would seek if hobbits had bikes.
• Chainsuck: This is a family-friendly website.
• Chasers: The alcoholic drink that immediately follows another.
• cockpit length: I told you at Chainsuck that this is a family-friendly website.
• Cross country: Vatican City
• Draft: Better than bottled. Much better than canned.
• Dropouts: Leave my academic career out of this, OK?
• Fat-tire: Leave my weight out of this, too, OK?
• Feeding station / zone: How I got the fat-tire in the first place, silly.
• Fork: Feeding station utensil.
• Frame: I didn’t do it.
• Geometry: Between algebra and trig.
• Hardtail: What my firm buns will be after Veloguy gets done with me.
• head angle: See Chainsuck and Cockpit Length.
• Hook: Is it already Talk Like A Pirate Day? Arrrgh!
• Hybrid: Prius.
• Jump: The last good Van Halen song.
• Lapped: What I did after my chaser tipped over.
• Mass start: Daily event in a cross country.
• Neutral support: Switzerland.
• Pedal clearance: Sale at the bike shop.
• Road clearance: You can buy roads?
• Seat Stays: Biking would really hurt if they didn’t stay.
• Single track: One-eighth of an eight-track.
• Softtail: What I had before I started biking regularly.
• Zirconium 9000 alloy: If your fiancee learns this isn’t Diamond 9000 alloy, you’re in deep trouble.