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How bad can the weather possibly get to justify a $600 dollar cycling jacket? I mean, seriously. For that much cash, you’d think the “Record 11 Series” clothing by Campagnolo would at least contain some kind of self-heating matrix of solar powered nanotubes. It doesn’t. It also doesn’t make you a pre-ride cappuccino or give you a post-ride massage. It will, however, announce you as a grade-A+ douchebag with either too much money or too much credit card debt.

No matter how epic the conditions, the plain black or clear rain cape is ubiquitous in the pro field. Why? Because it works just fine. Cost: $40-$80.

Of course, no matter how dismal the world’s economy becomes, cycling prices still seem to rise on a exponential curve. Who are the people fueling this? Is it the guy here in LA who straps his BMC to the back of his Lamborghini? Seriously. A Lamborghini with a trunk rack. I am not shitting you. (on a related note: if anybody out there can think of a way for me to escape LA please let me know.)

Unlike a mind-numbingly nonsensical $600 jacket, some of these stratospherically priced toys do leave me a little moist. Like just about any hoops designed by Lew. For example, the new Reynolds RZR.

Drop 5K on a pair of these 800gram wheels and your whole ride will no doubt change for the better. Of course, the emotional stress of riding them on the Pacific Coast Highway will also take years off your life.
But I guess if you’re willing to trade that many working hours for a bike wheel, then maybe you’re willing to trade a little life? I dunno.

In my book you’re a little messed up in the head either way.

Oooh. Then there’s the Javelin Cortina. I saw this baby at Interbike and wanted to strip off all my clothes and mud wrestle with it in a seedy Tijuana bar. The Javelin rep showed me a cross section of the frame. The tube’s wall is about a quarter inch thick, and is a layer of Kevlar honeycomb sandwiched between two thin carbon sheets. The bike is unbelievable beautiful. The frame alone is also $11,000. But is there really a market for this eye-candy? Sure they’ve got to sell one or two. But the Javelin rep also told me that no dealers in SoCal will carry their brand. They just don’t see the market for it.

Rocket 7 is another good example. They’re the hand-made, all-custom shoes that are also wonderfully ugly. Used to be you could drop a whopping $800 for a pair. Now they start at $1,475. The rumor is that they’re also going out of business.

Perhaps if someday I’m ever rich as sin I’ll change my mind about all this. But right now I must declare to be a-holes all people who fuel this steady proliferation of outrageously priced gear. Go ahead and buy a $160 cycling jacket, or a $2000 set of wheels, or a $5000 frame. Crap. Isn’t that expensive enough for you? I guarantee that those already very expensive items will perform just as well as the even more expensive stuff. And I’m doing you a favor because if they see you wearing any “Record 11 Series” gear they will likely think you’re an a-hole. And they will likely be right.

Party,
Lanolin.