Irony.

In literally the same week, some eons into separate investigations and unending legal proceedings, THE TRUTH has finally been handed down.

The Supreme Court of the World, in case you hadn’t heard, found Alberto Contador drop-dead guilty of the unconscionable crime against humanity called putting All Spice on a slab of Prime Spanish Rib Eye.  That travesty finally seems, once and for all, settled.  Until the upcoming appeal.

Virtually at the same time and totally coincidentally, comes quite a different announcement issued jointly by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, Nuclear Regulatory Commission, and PETA, along with the esteemed former U.S. Attorney General, C. Everett Koop, finding none other than Lance Armstrong perfectly innocent of an orgy of self-medication, as he and his teammates ingested busloads of drugs before, during, and after every race.  LA’s teammates had been subpoenaed to testify confidentially to a Grand Jury, and leaked transcripts evidenced ambiguous and conflicting testimony such as, “yeah, we all totally did it, but Lance got the clean needles.”

So Alberto Contador receives a two year suspension from racing, which will be served in the past, such that he will be able to ride in the Tour of Spain this summer, provided he agrees to get paid for not riding any races prior to that.  Harsh but appropriate treatment, we believe, for having exposed himself to Monosodium Glutamate, some questionable Nitrates, and too much salt.

On the other end of the world, Lance Armstong was tracked down at a Rave in Austin and told that he’d probably taken one Extasy too many, and should probably go burn it off in a Crit somewhere.  Or possibly a Triathlon.

Alberto Contador had the Yellow Jersey from his 2010 Tour de France stripped from his closet-full of Yellow Jersies from other Tours de France, and it was sent third-class mail to Shrek.

And life goes on.